Swedish Humor

I absolutely love when I come across somebody's humor unexpectedly. Maybe it's in something they say that is otherwise serious. Maybe it's something they say in an email.

Maybe it's out in the middle of a field.

What?

Yup, I stumbled across somebody's humorous installation in the middle of a seldom-seen field in a northern part of Öland, a long, skinny island off the eastern coast of Sweden. I was on vacation and out for a walk with a group of adults and kids.

There, on the side of this seldom-used dirt road, was a viking boat grave.

This isn't it. But here's what they generally look like so you have some sort of reference:

Here's what another boat grave looks like, also on Öland. Photo: C. Michael Hogan

The one we found was also a bunch of large stones in the rough shape of a viking boat.

The stones were set down in the field in the shape of a boat hull.

...But wait, there was a sign explaining things...

...So we stepped forward to read the sign,,,

...See below for the translation...

Translation (trying to be "Old Swedish"...doesn't really translate?):

This type of boat grave (?) of the type, spurius, positioned facing south, derived probably from the early 2000's
constructed in the days of Ch. Sachs and T. Birath

These Swedes. A veritable laugh riot.

Sweden's Reputation: Blame it on the Ads...

Sweden has a reputation of its people being more comfortable with open sexuality and sex in general. I can't really say one way or the other. I've noticed that Swedish parents seem more comfortable with their teenagers' sex lives. But I haven't seen any streakers in the streets of Stockholm. I haven't seen any acquaintances naked...But I have marked that they do show a lot of things on TV that, for example, the US shies away from. And the TV commercials show a lot more. And the ads in other places.

Here's a (sorry, blurry!) picture of an ad displayed in a Stockholm subway train.It says:

"Isn't this the world's most beautiful place to have sex?"

It's an ad promoting Stockholm County Council's drive for sexuality and health.

This is a picture of an ad on a Stockholm subway car. Those are tents and the sign says, "Isn't this the world's most beautiful place to have sex?" It's an ad promoting condom use.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to be so open. But I'm so unused to it. In the subway! With little kids eating ice cream right next to me.

So, at the end of the day, Sweden shouldn't be mystified about its reputation since the ads keep the idea alive. It's like those silly postcards with the polar bear superimposed onto a picture of Stockholm. It keeps the misunderstanding going. Then Swedes say how crazy it is that people think polar bears roam the streets here...

Recycling Adventures in Eskilstuna

Recycling is taken very seriously in Sweden which is pretty cool. I have seen it handled differently in different areas of Sweden. In Uppsala, my friends work very hard to compost the food scraps, and sort through plastic and glass that can be returned for the deposit, plastic and glass that should just be recycled, newspapers separated from other paper packing materials, egg cartons, milk cartons, etc.

I am on my summer vacation and just spent a week in a small town located about 45 minutes west of Stockholm, near Eskilstuna. They have a recycling system there that involves sorting everything into different colored plastic bags. The bags are then tied off and all are put into the same trash bin which is set out at the curb and collected once a week.

I found it was actually a lot easier than sorting the trash in Uppsala where everyone tries to figure out their own system and it's awkward. Also, there you then have to take the assorted recycling in your car or on foot to the nearest recycling bins.

The Eskilstuna system, which is managed by Eskilstuna Energi & Miljö (website only in Swedish) is so simple, they wrote the directions explaining which color goes with which recyling in the form of a toddler's board book (a thick-paged book, the kind toddlers gnaw on when they are not reading). Here are a few pictures:

The book explaining the color-coded recycling system was designed to look like a toddler's board book.

"It's childishly simple to color sort!" (wait, is "childishly" a real word?)

Pages explaining what goes into the green bag and what goes into the orange bag.

You can ask for more bags at any time. I believe there are six colors used to split the trash into 6 different kinds of recycling. You are to use a regular, recycled grocery bag for the few things that fit into none of the categories.

It takes a little time to learn what goes where and one must dedicate an area somewhere for all these bags. They were just in the cabinet under the sink where I stayed. Some were held open by small containers and some were just sitting on the floor of the cabinet. The friend that owns the house where we stayed rents out part of the house in the summer, usually to people from Germany or Poland. These guests have to learn the system as well. But hey, it's childishly simple in any language!

PIzza Swedish-Style

Yum!

I present you my not-so-comprehensive research on pizza in Sweden. From what I have seen, Swedes don’t order one larger pizza to share but rather each person orders a single one for themselves. And boy howdy do they have some crazy flavors!

Because I avoid eating gluten, I don't eat much pizza. But I have found that pizzerias here in Sweden usually offer a gluten-free crust so I have tried it. Sometimes it's a good alternative, sometimes not. And like all things gluten free, it costs more. One must add 15 kronor to the price when asking for gluten- free. My friend says that is strange because since it is missing something, it should be cheaper. (ha ha)

Okay, but what about those crazy flavors? I present to you a selection of flavors from the local joint in Uppsala. (I haven't noticed that you can "build your own" from scratch, instead you choose one of their flavors--though I am sure you can add or remove items...)

Cheapest (65 kr. approximately $9.28)

The "Calzone" pizza has ham, mushrooms, and shrimp.

The "Campagniola" pizza has salami, onions, and shrimp. (What is it with all the shrimp on pizza?)

The "Oriental" pizza has hamburger meat and onions.

The next level of pizzas, a little more expensive… (75 kr.)

The "Big Ben" boasts ham, asparagus, and...béarnaise sauce.

The "Hawaii" has ham and pineapple (okay, normal) and then…bananas (ewww!)

More expensive… (85 kr.)

"The Amigo" offers hamburger, leeks, paprika, pepperoni, tomatoes, taco sauce, and béarnaise sauce

Most expensive… (95 kr.)

The "Pescatore" has shredded pork, pineapple, bananas, shrimp, and, wait for it...curry

What's your favorite flavor? Weirdest pizza you've ever seen? Post a comment. I'm curious!

Signs of Confusion, Part 4

So, here it is...my last post in this series on odd signs (or controls) that I fail to understand in my new life in Sweden. I mentioned the strange controls on my oven earlier. Well, I am also confused by the microwave controls.

I can appreciate, by the way, that they skip having to use written words and in that way people who don't understand the language can still use the device but for me, it would be better to use words. Words, I could look up. But what am I supposed to do with picto-grams or whatever these are?

There are lots of things you can't do on a ladder...

 

...especially if the ladder is in Sweden, apparently....

 It's a good thing we managed to raise that tent for the Studenten party last week even though we used this ladder. I, myself, climbed this ladder many times and I probably was in violation of most of these "no-no's." Wait, though, I never had one foot on a chimney so that's good...

The Studenten Party

I wrote a previous post about getting ready for my friend's son's Studenten. Gabriel is 19 and just graduated from gymnasium. Nineteen is the average age for finishing the Swedish equivalent of American high school. Except that gymnasium is more specialized in Sweden and students go to a school that specializes in an area the student wants to study, such as computer science or art or English.

We had some crazy weather last week including the coldest June 2nd in 84 years of Swedish weather. But the gods were good and there was no rain last Tuesday, despite the fact that there was a "70% chance" according to Weather Underground.

Gabriel's class came out of graduation which only the students attend at 1:30pm. The families stood outside the building, most waving signs with large pictures of the graduate as a little kid. I know that part of the reason for the signs (which are seen at every school's graduation) is so that the graduate can find his/her family in the crowd but also maybe there is a "awww, cute!" part and a "let's embarrass them" part as well.

Another tradition is that the graduate wears all sorts of revelry around their neck, sort of like Mardi Gras. You can buy all sorts of "necklaces" in many stores at this time of year. The "necklaces" are small stuffed animals, plastic medals, figurines, balloons, candies, and more. Many graduates also ended up with small bouquets hanging from ribbons around their neck.

We expected approximately 80 guests and were not disappointed. My friends live next to the woods and unfortunately Tuesday was the first day I have seen the infamous Swedish mosquitoes this year. They suddenly appeared in droves--I suppose because there were all those victims. Anyway, the use of mosquito spray helped tremendously.

The food was wonderful and all made by hand--no caterers involved. We did have two women washing dishes for several hours which was invaluable because there were very few paper plates, plastic ware, etc. Swedes don't seem to use much of those, at least not at the parties I have been to. I worked my buns off running up and down the stairs, clearing places, restocking. It was really fun and I was glad to be able to do something for my friends after they let me stay so long with them when I first arrived in Sweden seven months ago.

The tables all set to go inside the tent (which was in case of rain). Beautiful!

The party was a huge success. Most people left by midnight but there was a small group that stayed and danced till around 3AM. I was able to see the sun come up at approximately 3:30AM. I am definitely going to have to blog about how light it is all the time at this time of year!

Getting Ready for "Studenten"

"Studenten" is the word used in Sweden for the activities around graduation from high school. There are lots of parties and traditions.

One of the biggest traditions seems to be alcohol-soaked graduates riding through the streets on the back of a truck. Think of migrant workers going to the fields, standing in the back if an open top truck with sides. Only these are privileged kids, whooping and hollering.

I saw my first truckloads of kids last Thursday and Friday in Stockholm. It's suddenly very cold and rainy in Stockholm. The rain isn't so awful but it's really cold! As the trucks rolled past, I was glad not to be freezing my parts off in one of them.

Students in Stockholm, 2010. The sign says "Today blind drunk, tomorrow jobless." Photo by Holger Ellgaard (CC BY 3.0)

My friend, Helen's middle son will celebrate his studenten on Tuesday. Helen and her husband have built a new deck for the party (but also because they have always wanted a deck. This weekend I helped work on the deck and  on raising the tent they will have over it. As I mentioned, it's been unseasonably cold the last few days. The Local reported that "Stockholm broke an 84-year-old cold record on Saturday, [June 2] as the capital's temperature only reached 6 degrees Celsius, the lowest June maximum daily temperature the city has seen since 1928." I was standing in the rain and I thought my fingers were going to fall off, my hands were so cold.

On Sunday, it rained for three minutes every five minutes but at least it was much warmer. Here's a picture of the not-quite-finished deck and the tent which is also not fully up in this photo (for example, one wall of the tent is covering the railing).

On Tuesday, I will watch Helen's son and his whooping classmates come streaming out of the graduation ceremony (which only the students attend, no family--very different than in the US!), then they will do the whole truck party thing, then host the party at is home. Stay tuned for my report on all that...

Signs of Confusion, Part 2

...So, continuing on in my commentary about my lack of understanding when it comes to many pictoral signs in Sweden, I present my next case for your examination...

Here's part of the oven controls on the oven in the apartment where I live in Stockholm. I have no idea what most of these buttons do. Since I have lived there less than one week, I have managed to avoid using the oven. OK, I get that it's "bell" but what does it do? And the "clock" sets the clock--that I get. But I have no idea about the other ones.

I guess as a Technical Writer I should be willing to find the manual and then actually read it...

Nah, think I'll wait for my flat mate to come home and explain it to me!

Loaner Bikes in Stockholm

You can borrow a CityBike for 3 hours in Stockholm as long as you have a loaner card. Photo courtesy of

http://www.citybikes.se/

I wrote about my borrowed "Old Lady" bike awhile back in my blog for Sweden.se. You can read that post here. Now that I am trying to move to Stockholm from Uppsala, I have taken more notice of a system for borrowing bikes in Central Stockholm. I did a little research and found out the bikes belong to Stockholm City Bikes. The bikes are a partnership between an advertising company called, Clear Channel and the City of Stockholm. The project is funded by advertising so it doesn't cost the city of Stockholm anything. 

Right now all the bikes seem to be advertising Svenska Dagbladet whose common abbreviation is SvD. Svenska Dagbladet is published in Stockholm and covers national and international news as well as local  Stockholm news. Its subscribers are concentrated in the capital, but it is distributed in most of Sweden.

According to the CityBikes, The plan is for there to be more than 2500 rental bikes, spread over 200 stations throughout Stockholm. To use the bikes, you have to buy either a April -October subscription card for 250 SEK  (approx. $34.91) or a 3-day card for a little more than half that. 

It's a nifty idea and maybe I'll get a card although it's best to have done that back in April since it's the same price.

Here's how it works:

1. You buy a bike card and take it to any of the Stockholm City Bike stands (there's all kinds of maps that show where the bike stands are located via a PDF or online). 
2. You scan your card in the reader at a particular bike stand. You are allocated a bike and you  take the bike from the allocated slot. 
3. If you don't take the bike within 30 seconds, then it is locked again for security reasons. 
4. You are only supposed to have the bike for less than 3 hours. Return the bike at any Stockholm City Bike stand. Place the bike in an empty slot where the lock has a green light. Wait until the light turns red and ensure that the bike is firmly locked.  
5. If you return your bike late you get a penalty point on your card. After three demerits, or if you keep the bike for longer than 5 hours, your card is blocked. 

Interestingly, the section of the City Bikes website that says it is about the bikes & helmets says nothing about helmets. But I read at one of the stands that there is some sort of deal where when you buy the card, you can buy a helmet from them for very cheap. Of course, I read that in Swedish so perhaps I misunderstood. The website does says that the bikes are repaired regularly and are replaced when necessary.The specially designed bikes are meant to be used in a city environment and are equipped with both foot and handbrakes and all have three gears. 

Kinda cool. Maybe I'll check it out! 

Anybody out there use this service or one like it?

One of the bike stands near where I work...

Here's a close-up of the locking mechanism. They don't want you using your own lock...rather you are supposed to find one of these stands, even if you are going to come back and use the bike again shortly.

 

Finding a Place to Live in Sweden

Oj! Finding a place to live in either Uppsala or Stockholm is extremely difficult!

I have stayed with my good friends ever since moving here, nearly six months ago. Picture me in a teenager's room: single bed, no closet, a nine-year-old boy's room directly over head--he jumps around so much that the light fixture over my head threatens to come down.

Time to give my friends their privacy back. Time to be a big girl and find a place of my own.

Another friend (a guy, of course) told me that all I need is a "place to put my milk" and that's it when it comes to finding an apartment. I thought to myself that I actually required a little more but what he told me has been stuck in my head for months.

I am registered in housing queues in three cities but you have to be in the queues for a long time before you have enough "points" to actually win an apartment. In some neighborhoods in Uppsala, the wait can be 10, 15, even 20 years. Isn't that amazing? People take the apartment after all that time whether they need it or not. Then they sub-let it out.

I have also been actively searching for and responding to ads on blocket.se. For those of you in the U.S., it's the equivalent of craigslist.com--a place where you can buy and sell stuff, find apartments, etc. A lot of the apartments are just people looking to rent their place for the summer while they travel or go live with mom (students) or whatever. A lot more people seem to live in apartments here than where I am from. It is much easier to own an apartment than to find one to rent.

In a short space of time I almost got caught by two (not one but two!) scammers. At least I think they were scamming...

Scam #1

The first was an apartment in Stockholm that was really near to work. I started thinking about how I could walk to work and how great it would be. It's too dull to go into all the details but suffice it to say that my email correspondence got weirder and weirder with the guy who supposedly owned it. He said he was in England and could only show me pictures of it. He said there were three rooms but only two were available as a German woman was soon moving into one of the three. Later, he said he was going to be back in town in June and would be staying there in one of the rooms. I saw pictures and even talked to him on the phone but the connection was very bad. Then he suddenly got sick of our correspondence and wanted me to send him, among other things, my passport number. Huh? Then he would send the lease (any amount of time I wanted), then send him the rent and security deposit (never specified what that would be) and he would send the keys.

This after we have never met each other and I had not even been in the apartment!

Scammy, no?

I told him to forget it and he actually wrote back and asked why. Who knows what he was up to?

Scam #2

The second one I almost fell for was also in Stockholm. I responded to an ad and received a response about how this guy (the owner) was actually in Malmö...There were "so many people interested" that he could hold it for you if you me if I paid a rent in advance of 8300 kr ($1196.00) before seeing it (to ensure that I would show up on the one day he was going to be back in town to show it to people). If I wanted to go forward (and I got the impression this was going to more than just me), he would send pics, I would Western Union him the money and then... 

Yes and then what? It was all very shady...what exactly that money was for, how I would get it back if I didn't rent the apartment, etc. He didn't seem particularly worried about whether my schedule permitted meeting him on the one afternoon he was to be in Stockholm.

I didn't even bother to reply.

My First, I Mean, Second, Post...

I forgot to post this introduction before I published my first post. Oh well. This is my first second post on my own blog. For six months I blogged for the Swedish Institute at Sweden.se. I think you can still read the 72 posts I wrote there: http://blogs.sweden.se/work/. Those posts were about what it's like to work in Sweden as a foreigner. I am looking forward to being even more free on my own blog, which is to say I can write about anything I want.

My No-frills Swedish Mammogram

The nurse looked looked at me and I looked back. What did she want?

Take off your shirt, she said, pointing to a hook on the wall to hang it on.

I looked around for the curtain to change behind and the paper poncho to put on but couldn't locate them.

I tried to play it cool. Sure, I can get undressed right here in front of you. I do that all the time.

It was my first medical appointment in my adopted country of Sweden.

As soon as I was registered in Sweden (which means I got an honest-to-god personnummer (personal number)), I began receiving unrequested appointments to have a mammogram and other assorted services. I was surprised because I didn't call and ask for an appointment nor say when I could come, they just sent me a summons in the mail. Kinda like, Hi, welcome to Sweden. We need to check your lady parts.

Well, OK! Really, what could be more fun than navigating the joys of a mammogram in a foreign language?

The appointment I was sent actually did work for me as it was 7:50 in the morning and I could go before work. So on the designated day, I took the bus to downtown Uppsala and made my way to the Health Center. I waited on a bench in the hallway outside the office on the third floor. I was glad to be able to wait inside because it was windy and cold.

Once they opened up the office, I was pleased to be able to conduct the entire registration process in Swedish. I had to show my Swedish ID card which has an electronic chip with all sorts of info about me. Who knows what it says about me. Then I paid 150 kr. (approx. $22) with my bankcard (everyone pays for everything with their bankcard in Sweden) and proceeded to the waiting area. While waiting, I noticed signs all over the waiting room that said I would be called by my first name only and that that name would be the first name I was registered as. I imagined that there must have been lots of confusion in the past. Oh, I didn't know you were calling me! No one calls me by my first name, Mary, so I didn't think you meant me!

I must say that I was a little disappointed that the nurse came out and called, "Kristin Lund." Geez!

I followed the nurse into a room containing a mammography machine. She took my ID card again and asked me a few questions. Once again, I was able to conduct the transaction in Swedish which made me proud. She explained she would take four pictures and then handed me back my ID.

That's when I had to strip right in front of here and walk across the room, bare from the waist, to the waffle maker. That's what I call a mammogram machine because it always looks to me like they based the contraption on a waffle iron and went from there.

Sadly, there was not some super-duper mammogram machine design in Sweden. Since I wear such rose-colored glasses about all things Swedish, I must admit that I had held out hope that the Swedes had a nicer, more user-friendly machine but it was not to be. It looked just like the American version.